since I've posted. Last week I was in Nashville for the 2009 MOPS (Mothers of Preschoolers) Convention at the gorgeous, swanky Gaylord Opryland hotel and convention center. I'm a Zone Event Coordinator for MOPS so it wasn't all sitting around by the pool; I helped out making sure the sessions in "my" ballrooms ran smoothly. I was on my feet around 15 hours a day (I think even my blisters got blisters) and worked really hard. But I got to work with and talk to some amazing moms! I thoroughly enjoyed working with all the MOPS staff and the other ZECs. I miss you ladies already!!!! Hugs to any ZECs reading this :-) I got back Sunday afternoon and spent Monday just relaxing and recovering from all the busy-ness.
Phil was home with the kids while I was gone and he did a good job keeping them alive. The house was relatively clean when I got home. I say "relatively" because our house is never truly clean with 4 kids around, but we do our best. The bad news when I got home was about Matthew. As you all know if you've read my earlier blog entries, Matthew started preschool a couple weeks ago. His first day did not go well. When we picked him up, the teacher informed us that he had hit them and we needed to talk to him about that. Trust me we did!!! We had a long conversation about how you treat grownups and especially teachers. Every day since then we have mentioned this to him. We were hoping this was the end of the problem.
The next week he was vomiting and missed preschool. The 3rd week of preschool (which was actually only his second day) was the Friday while I was gone. Phil took him over to preschool, came home and went back to bed. Now Phil sleeps like the dead so he never hears the phone ring. Apparently the school called but couldn't reach him. To make a long story short, Matthew acted up in preschool that fateful day; he wouldn't listen to or obey his teachers. I didn't hear that he was hitting anyone, but he was evidently unwilling to follow the rules and was somewhat out of control. So they said he can't come back. He's been evicted from preschool. Kicked out. Asked not to come back.
I truly don't understand this because at home he is a sweet, imaginative, energetic child who loves to play pretend, read books and work puzzles. Ok I admit he is strong-willed. I am completely devastated by this news. David and Rachel went to preschool here. This is a fabulous program and I am sad that Matthew will not be finishing there like 2 of his older siblings did. I am very depressed and having a hard time processing this news. I am feeling like a complete failure as a mother. I don't have problems with him at home (well other than run-of-the-mill parenting problems that everyone has with their kids). Where did I go wrong? What can I do? He starts kindergarten next fall and I want him to like school as his older 3 siblings do. I don't want him to be the problem child who constantly needs discipline and ends up in the principal's office. I am just completely overwhelmed and stressed by life without income right now without adding this on top of it. I don't know what to do. I have FAILED!!!!!!!
Bill and Lena's Peru Update - May 2019
7 years ago
4 comments:
You have NOT failed!!!!!! Trust in God to get you through this... He may have been acting out because you were not home. Kids express their feelings in strange ways at times. Maybe there's a child in his class that gets him going?? Maybe he just didn't want to go to school, and he's smart enough to know how to get his way (yeah, sounds like he's a genius!).
Hang in there... lots of hugs and prayers!
I had a friend who dealt with this type of thing with her kindergartener last year. Weekly visits to the principal and all that. Things eventually got better and he's doing much better. But, it took quite a while. There were many times I would see her at church and talk to her about it and she would start crying, because she was so stressed out by it. She wasn't a failure and neither are you. Kids act in different ways when they're put in a situation they don't know how to deal with and I think Matthew just didn't know how to deal with school. Be patient, work with him, and know that things will work out. It's just going to take time. So sorry he was kicked out though. Is there any way to talk to the director and find out how to make it work again? Maybe you could sit in class with him a few times, so you can observe him. Something. I just can't imagine them kicking him out after just 2 days.
You are absolutely not a failure. Take it from a former teacher, kids do stuff like this for a reason, not because they are a "bad kid." Take this as a challenge that you must face head on, and God will give you the strength to conquer it. My advice: wait a month, then call the preschool and offer to accompany him one Friday. Leave the room for short periods of time, and see what he does. See what sets him off. Is it your absence? Another child? Not being the baby anymore? See if you can peek through a window and watch him. Then come back in the room to head off any trouble. If you are there, the school will see that you are really trying to solve the problem and they might be willing to let him back in until he adjusts. You also might consider this a blessing, because God might have a different plan for Matthew, and this is how you find it. Maybe he needs to go to preschool three days a week so he can have more time to adjust before kindergarten. Maybe there is another preschool out there that God will lead you to. Pray about it and let Him lead you. Email me if you need to, I'm here for you. - Natalie
Amy, you have not failed. First of all, preschool was invented during the depression as part of the Works Project program in order to provide jobs for out-of-work educators. It is totally overrated. In fact, in Finland (where they consistently outscore us on testing) they don't ever send kids to school until they are at least 7. It is not, despite what anyone says, an indicator of future success in school or necessary for success in later years in school. It's just fun for some kids.
Secondly, Matthew is possibly reacting to stress from life in general, and this is just a time where he feels the need to be with you. Especially the week that Phil took him and you were gone. I've seen lots of kids act up when their Moms are out of town -- at that age they don't totally get how temporary it all is.
Thirdly, he just marches to the beat of his own drum. What kind of learner is he? Maybe that environment is just not for him or maybe he is just not ready for it. But HE is just fine and so are you. You know every kid is an individual and I know that you and Phil are good parents that can access what Matthew does or doesn't need. Just remember, it's not you, it's him and it's not that he's a problem -- he's just being his own little person that is not his older sibs. He's going to make his own way!
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